Does the wedding have to take place in a church?
Ideally, Catholic weddings are celebrated in a Catholic church. Marriage is a community and social sacrament, and should be celebrated where the community gathers to celebrate the sacraments. Traditionally, weddings have been in the parish church of the bride, but it may also take place in the groom’s parish as well. Marriages may also be celebrated in another Catholic church with the permission of the pastor of the church.

When Marriage takes place between a Catholic and a non-Catholic (baptized or unbaptized), it should also take place in a Catholic church. With the permission of the bishop, these weddings may also take place in another suitable place, such as the church of the non-Catholic.

Can we have a “destination wedding?”
Since the Church teaches that Marriage is a social/community sacrament, and should be celebrated where the community gathers to celebrate (the church building), you would not be able to have your wedding at the beach, on a mountaintop, in your backyard, etc.

Can we use (insert song title) in the wedding?
Music is often a very influential and important part of people’s lives both in and out of worship, which can make it a contentious subject in terms of planning. While the music for the Marriage liturgy is one of the places that afford the most options, at the same time there are some guidelines that need to be followed in selecting liturgical music.

• The music used before or during the liturgy should be clearly identifiable as prayer by all present
• The music must express a Catholic view of love and Marriage
• The music must also serve its proper purpose in its place in the liturgy

Many current popular songs on the radio may sing about love and romance, but this is often contrary to what the Church holds as true and beautiful regarding the love between and man and a woman. Secular love songs and “pop” ballads that have personal meaning to the couple are best played or sung at the reception. In short, the music for the Marriage liturgy in or out of Mass should follow the same guidelines for the music found in a parish’s weekend Masses.

Can we write our own vows?
The exchange of consent, or vows, is the climax of the Sacrament of Marriage. It is when the couple verbalizes “before God and his Church” the covenant relationship to which they are committing.

As with any sacrament, there is a certain form that is followed in their celebration. Part of this form in the Sacrament of Marriage are the vows. The vows express the Catholic belief of what is happening in the sacrament, and are essential to the celebration. It is for this reason that you must use the vows given in the Rite of Marriage, similar to how the priest is committed to use the words found in the Eucharistic Prayer at Mass.

When can we get married?
There is much flexibility as to when the wedding may be celebrated, but there are also a few limitations as well. Customarily, most weddings are celebrated on Saturdays, but you are not limited to Saturdays only. The only days when it is not permitted to celebrate any Marriage in or out of Mass would be Good Friday and Holy Saturday.

When selecting the date, the couple and the parish should keep in mind the other liturgies and activities of the parish and people involved. The couple and priest/deacon must also take into consideration the liturgical season and how that will affect the celebration.

Can we have a Mass?
Ordinarily, two Catholics celebrate marriage in the context of the Mass. When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, or if a priest were not available for a Mass, the “Rite for Celebrating Marriage Outside Mass” would be used. Under certain circumstances, when a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic marry, this may take place in the context of the Mass. Talk to the priest/deacon assisting in your preparation to see if this would be a possibility for you.

What readings can we use for the wedding?
Readings from sacred Scripture are a key component of the celebration of the sacraments. The Rite of Marriage provides many options from which the couple may choose. However, no matter if the Marriage is in or out of Mass, all readings at a Marriage liturgy must be from sacred Scripture. Those assisting with your preparation can help you in selecting these readings for your wedding.

Can my non-Catholic spouse receive Communion?
Because Catholics believe that the reception of the Eucharist is a sign of the reality of the oneness of faith, life, and worship, reception of the Eucharist cannot be extended to those who do not profess this faith. Therefore, Holy Communion could not to be given to the non-Catholic party, nor to any of the non-Catholics in attendance (this would also be true at any Mass).

Can we take up a collection at the Mass? For whom should it be?
Some would say you could not have a Mass without a collection! In all seriousness, some couples do choose to take up a collection at the usual time during Mass to be given for the charitable works of the parish or to some other charitable organization. You should not take up a collection to help offset the cost of the wedding.

Who can be in the wedding party?
While the priest/deacon stands as the Church’s official witness, two other witnesses are also needed. Customarily, this is the “best man” and “maid/matron of honor.” The only requirements the Church places on these witness is that they be able to comprehend what is going on (seven years old, or the age of reason) and they be two in number. They need not be of the opposite sex, or even Catholic.

Many couples ask important friends and relatives to serve as attendants. Although there is no set limit on the number of “bridesmaids” and “groomsmen,” there should not be so many as to overwhelm the primary role of the bride and groom, or the space of the church and sanctuary.

Can we use a unity candle at the wedding?
While it has grown in popularity, the unity candle is actually not a part of the Catholic Marriage liturgy. Its lighting as a sign of the commitment of the couple stands as a redundant symbol of the union already expressed by the exchange of consent and rings. Do not feel obligated to include this as a part of the liturgy.

If it must be included, it must not be placed on the altar or in a place where it would hinder the regular movements of the liturgy. The lighting of said candle is normally a very short ritual, so any musical accompaniment should take that into consideration.

What kind of decorations may we use for the wedding?
Just as the readings, prayers and music of the liturgy are guided by the specific liturgical season, so should the decorations used (or not used) for the Marriage liturgy respect this as well. Any flowers, plants, candles, etc. used should enhance the prayer and never distract or disrupt the liturgy.

• In penitential seasons such as Advent and Lent, the use of flowers and other decorations should be in simple moderation (for Advent) or not at all (for Lent)
• Any and all decoration should not take away from or obstruct the primary focal points used in the Marriage liturgy, such as the altar and other areas of the sanctuary
• Nothing may be placed on the altar except that which is needed for Mass

Who can walk the bride down the aisle?
In general, it is up to the bride. The bride and groom may walk together or separately. They may be escorted with one or both parents, by one or more of the attendants, or by no one. The bride is not “given away,” but rather accompanied in procession the same way she has been accompanied by her parents, family and friends throughout her life to this point.

Where does the couple sit in the church?
Where the bride and groom sit is up to them and the priest/deacon. It would be appropriate, as the ministers of the Sacrament of Marriage, for the couple to be seated in the sanctuary. They may also sit any place that allows them to fulfill their roles in the liturgy. How this plays out will be different in each parish.